Jennifer's Breastfeeding Blog

My breastfeeding themes...

2012-02-09T08:14:00.001-08:00

I've been breastfeeding my 4th baby for nearly a year now, and her breastfeeding theme has finally become clear. See, during each of my breastfeeding relationships, I've noticed each carried a particular theme that made the experience completely unique and different from the others.

Jared's theme was "Breastfeeding and Working". He's the only one that I had to work a full time job outside the home while he was a baby. I went back to work when he was only 6 weeks old, but was still able to fully breastfeed him for the first full year and passed. It's a time I'm proud of, especially being my FIRST breastfeeding relationship, and I still use that experience to help other breastfeeding moms now! I'm also happy that it WAS the only time I had to manage breastfeeding and working, cause it sure wasn't easy! :)

Alex's theme was "The Thrush", with a purple faced baby and all! We dealt with thrush on and off throughout his entire breastfeeding time. By 3 mos in, I was near my breaking point because I didn't even know what I was fighting at that point, and the pain was just torture! I had resolved that I would have to stop breastfeeding if I didn't find real help fast! My persistence paid off, and I finally found the answers I needed. It became manageable, but for some reason, we still had to watch closely the whole time for the early signs of thrush so I could keep it from ever getting out of control again. And now I am passionate to keep others from dealing with this particular misery too!

Carter had 2 themes. One was "Clogged Up Ducts" and the other was "Depression and Nursing". I talked here probably more about the clogged ducts, and still not sure why they were so rampant, but it seemed like every time I turned around I had another one. The depression part I think I felt more shame about, but I do use that experience when talking personally to other moms that express to me their emotional struggles too.

So now we have sweet Charleigh's theme. Hers is "The Human Pacifier", and it is an exhausting theme!! She has refused every type of pacifier we tried from the day we brought her home from the hospital, yet she has a VERY strong need for comfort sucking too! So that means that she makes pretty strong demands of me to provide that for her. It's been really hard, and takes a lot of my time and energy.

Nighttime, though, has been particularly hard for me! She wants to be attached pretty much all night long, and that is hard! Even though I nurse laying down, I have to crook my body in a way that is not comfortable at all! My back gets to hurting, she'll pull and stretch the nipple in a painful way, and I eventually just have to pull away for her. Then she gets mad--REALLY mad!! And we have to start the process all over! Just last night I tried to force her back to sleep without it, but she wasn't having it! Became completely irate!!

And a few days ago, I attempted to try to count all the times she demanded to latch back on during the night. I knew it was a lot, but had never tried to count because I was just too exhausted. By 4 in the morning, I think I may have gotten off by one or so; but between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m., I counted 8 times that she had demanded to latch on. That's pretty exhausting just thinking about it. And this is how it has been most of the 11 mos she's been here!!

I don't even know what I am going to do to finally get a handle on this, but I can tell you, it's going to involve tears, and probably a few nights with no sleep! That should be fun, right?!

My plan for now is just to get to her first birthday (March 3rd--Eeep!), and then we will get serious about resolving this issue. By the 12 mos with my others, they were nearly down to just about 3 real nursing sessions a day, first thing I the morning, nap time, and bedtime. That's manageable, and preferable!!I just know, though, this baby girl is going to give me quite a fight about it. But, after the first birthday, they should be having about 3 meals a day, and I know she doesn't need the bulk of her nutrition to come from me anymore.

I think as a partner in this breastfeeding relationship, I have a right to demand it be mutually enjoying for both of us. Newborns get to make the schedule early on, but at 1 yr old, mom finally gets a say too, in my opinion.

Wish us luck once we do start the process though, cause I know I am going to need it!! :)

10 1/2 mos and 4 teeth later

2012-01-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

Yep, Charleigh is 10 1/2 mos old now!! So hard to believe that we are seriously staring down her first birthday already.

She was pretty close to 20 lbs at her 9 mos check up, but that puts her smaller than my other babies have been by this point. My oldest son was right at 30 lbs at 9 mos old, but she hadn't even broke the 20 lb point yet, at that time.

She has been learning so much in these last few months. It took her a while, but once she learned how to sit unassisted, she started crawling and standing and cruising in no time!! She took her first steps right after Christmas, and now is literally days away from walking wherever she wants to go. If she can just figure out how to stand back up on her own when/if she falls she'll have it. Right now, she will walk halfway through the room, and if she falls down, she has to crawl over to something to stand back up. Seriously, SO CLOSE!!!

And yep, she got all 4 of her front teeth now. The top 2 are still trying to grow in, but they are visible, and sharp enough to do some damage now. I have to pay attention when nursing her, because if she's not really hungry and just sort of playing around at the breast, she will use those new chompers on me!! And that is NO FUN!! :)

She still just laughs at me when I tell her "NO BITE" though! Oh, she is a mess!!

When I get after her for touching things she shouldn't, she smiles at me and then looks at daddy to see if this is serious or not! LOL If he tells her no, she pouts up!! That is what you call SPOILED!! LOL

We made it through our holiday travels ok, and I'm really surprised at how little bottles she's actually needed during her 10 mos. Of course, she had to have them when I was sitting with my mom at the hospital, but other than that I could probably count on one hand how many she has had.

I had another medical event recently where she needed some bottles because I was not able to care for her. I had laser eye surgery done, and it put me completely out of comission for the rest of the day. So, she had 2 bottles of expressed milk then. Thankfully, I did have a couple stashed away for such an event. But, that was all she needed until I was able to return to her normal schedule.

We get by so much easier now because she really is eating a lot of table foods. I still don't really do a 3 meals-a-day style of solid feedings with her. But, she definitely has a full dinner and a few snacks each day.

Just a few days ago, we went to Ryan's Buffet for dinner. And I went ahead and fixed her up a plate with things I thought she should be able to eat. It had cooked carrots, turnip greens, mandarin oranges, mac-n-cheese, and mashed potatoes. My husband looked at this plate and said, "There's no way she is going to eat all of that!"

I said, "She not supposed to eat all of it! I just wanted to have plenty for her to try, and plenty of each so that if she particularly liked something, she would have it to eat."

Well, I tell you, that little girl ate nearly that WHOLE plate of food! My husband was so shocked!! I mean she just kept eating and eating and eating! LOL

And so far, I seriously have not found any foods that she doesn't like! She just LOVES the idea of food!!

At another restaurant, I gave her the lemon off of my sweet tea, and she sat and sucked the juice out of it, and didn't even flinch!! I tried to take it away from her cause she was getting to the rind, and she threw a fit!! LOL I've never seen a baby eat that without giving the all over shake!! But, she not only ate it, but LOVED it!!!

She still nurses about every 2 hours during the day though. Some are longer nursing sessions than others. She may give me a couple of extendend periods where she goes 3 hours instead of 2, but it is typically every 2 hours that her belly is ready! She still gets up in the night at least twice, and I'm thoroughly exhausted by this point.

I'm kind of sad, because truthfully, there are a lot of times that I can't wait to wean her. And I have to remind myself not to rush this because she IS the last baby I will ever have, and I will never have this experience again. And even though some days (and nights) are rough, there is still a lot about breastfeeding that I love!

I think my biggest reason that I feel this way is because I was still breastfeeding Carter when I got pregnant with Charleigh. So, I have been pregnant/breastfeeding/pregnant/breastfeeding since Jan. 2008! That's a long time to lease out your body to other people! I have a feeling if there had been a bigger gap between them, I wouldn't feel so tired of this already. So, I'm trying as much as I can not to cheat myself out of really enjoying this LAST time as a breastfeeding mother on the basis of poor spacing, ya know.

I don't know how long we will continue to nurse though. Definitely we will make it to her birthday, unless something horrible or tragic happens. She's so attached to it that I really don't know how I will get her to ever want to wean. As it is, I do try to make her go longer at night, but she just won't have it and will threaten to wake the whole house up if she doesn't get what she wants!! LOL

I'd really like to be weaned by 18 mos though! That was the plan with Carter, and we were working in that direction, and then he broke his leg and was hospitalized for a severe asthma attack. So, that changed things for us, and we continued to nurse until after I got pregnant and the milk started depleting and it just became too painful to nurse him. He was 22 mos old then.

We are planning a trip to Disney in October of this year. And I'd really like her to be weaned by that trip. That will put her at 19 mos old then. We will see. It's so sad on one hand to think about it, but I know breastfeeding and pregnancies have held me back in other ways that I'd like to regain control of again. Why does it have to be such a double-edged sword?!

Still Going

2011-11-14T07:38:00.001-08:00

Sorry the update has taken so long. To get the opportunity to sit and think and let my mind work is so few and far between these days. :)

The Fenugreek was seriously awesome!!! I was taking it 3 times a day (in capsule form) and by the next day I was able to feel the let downs again, and by just a few days in I was feeling back to normal. YAY!!! The only weirdness about it is that it makes you smell like maple syrup, but I read that's how you know that you are on the right dosage as well. LOL

I had to spend one more weekend away from her through this hospital stuff for my mom, and I made sure to stay up on the Fenugreek through that and pump as much as I could. Thankfully, that stay was much less demanding and scary as the one before had been.

Hopefully, I won't have to be away from her like that again and I can continue with our nursing path on our terms.

My little gal has 2 nice sharp bottom teeth in now, and she does like to bite. Owww-Weeee!! I'm doing my best to let her know that I am not a fan of this behavior, but she doesn't seemed phased. LOL

I also ended up with one of the worst stomach bugs I've ever had this past week, and it's hard to take care of yourself while also trying to keep up with the needs of a breastfeeding baby too. I would find myself often in the middle of a feed when a "moment" would hit. I'd have to rush her to a safe place and take off running, leaving her shocked and screaming behind. :(

I felt awful for her, but I had no choice. So, as rough physically as it was for me through it, it was really hard emotionally for her. She just wanted to be snuggled up with mommy like usual, and all she knew is mommy kept tossing her down and leaving. And since she's also been in a bad separation anxiety phase as well, this did not go over well with her!!

My big fear now is her catching the bug. So far she hasn't, but I pray so hard she won't. I know that if she does, that I can and should still breastfeed her. That as long as she wants it, it will be the best thing for her. Now, the same is not true if you formula feed, during stomach bugs. Cause other forms of milk don't sit well on upset tummies, so you would use pedialyte during the vomiting stage. But, breastmilk is exactly what her tummy needs and that's why you still keep it up as much as she demands during that time, and watch carefully for signs of dehydration.

Fingers crossed we don't experience it though!!

Sometimes, you have no other choice.

2011-10-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

This post may go in lots of places, my mind isn't at peak function right now.

Charleigh and I have had a pretty great breastfeeding relationship so far. She's 7 mos old, and my biggest complaint is that she likes to eat often, and she uses me as a teething toy and pacifier too. Oh, and she's gotten her 2 bottom teeth in now, yay right?! Her first broke through the day before she turned 7 mos, and the other came in a week later. They are now in enough to really hurt when she starts being naughty with them. :)

Anyway, these past few weeks put me in a really rough spot with our breastfeeding relationship, and I hope we are able to get through it. Two weeks ago, I had to be the Maid of Honor in a wedding and I worried myself about working out the breastfeeding arrangement for that even before Charleigh was ever born. I knew there would be nearly a whole day that I probably wouldn't be able to feed her on demand like I normally do.

I prepared by pumping once a week and storing away milk enough to last through the whole day if she needed it, but I still hoped that I could get in as many actual feedings with her as I could, so I wouldn't have to worry about pumping and she would be happier anyway too. And then she worried me even more when the handful of times I even tried to give her a bottle she absolutely refused the bottle. I tried to give her a bottle during the wedding shower that was 2 weeks before the wedding and she was having none of it!! And so I had to pray that she would do better taking a bottle from my husband when I am not around as opposed to me offering her one.

We got through the wedding ok, she refused a couple of the bottles, but when she got hungry she sucked it down. Her hardest hurdle was when she was sleepy, because I am her pacifier that gets her to sleep. She didn't know how to put herself to sleep without me. :( I just thought, well, it's just going to be a rough day for her, but we will get through this one day and then we won't be doing anything like this again to her.

What I didn't know then!!

See, the day before that wedding, I found out my mom had to have emergency surgery to repair an esophageal perforation. I wasn't even sure if I was going to be making it to the wedding myself, because the situation was so serious. But, things went well in her surgery, and I was told to go ahead and go to the wedding as planned. I rushed to see my mother the day after, and she looked like she had definitely been through it, but we all thought the worst was over and now there would just be a long battle to get her fully recovered.

As the week progressed, she kept hitting the milestones that she was supposed to, and by the following Friday, things were very promising and the doctors were already discussing a possible Sunday dismissal. She was still going to have a long recovery at home, but for what she had been through, she was doing good.

My family planned a trip to visit her again on that Saturday, cause we thought if she does go home on Sunday, it would probably be an exhausting day for her transitioning back to home and she didn't need my kids bouncing all over her house.

However, Saturday did not end up going the way I had expected at all! When I got to the hospital (with ALL of my family), it was very clear that something was seriously wrong with her. Seeing with my own eyes the severity of the situation, I had to make the split second decision to stay with her at the hospital that night, leaving my sweet little Charleigh without her mommy to get her through the night. :( I had not even prepared at all for a stay at the hospital, so I had no milk stored up for Charleigh, and no pump with me either!

Not having any choice, Charleigh was going to have to have formula the rest of the night and until I could get to her again. I was heartbroken, but I knew there was no other option. And then I had to send someone to go buy a pump for me, so that hopefully I could at least keep my supply in check and start a new stash for her.

My mom's health got much worse, very fast and I ended up not getting to take the time to pump much at all. To top that off, I also wasn't able to sleep or eat either, and my stress level was through the roof during this time.

My mom came VERY, VERY close to dying by the end of the day on Sunday, and it was a VERY tough day for all of us. My husband did make it back to the hospital Sunday evening, and I was able to feed her then. But, the stress of the situation had really taken a toll on my body. I hadn't slept since 8 a.m. on Saturday until I finally tried to lay down about 10 p.m. on Sunday. And as I laid there in the quiet, my mind started replaying to scary events of the last couple of days and I couldn't stop crying. So, I had to get up and then I finally ended up taking a sleep aide to help go to sleep that night.

I also had not eaten much over these days, and didn't have much of an appetite anyway. I was incredibly thirsty, so I was drinking like a camel, but food just made me very nauseous and queasy.

The most shocking thing was that on Sunday I actually started spotting too!! I don't typically get my periods back for a long time while I'm breastfeeding. Well past the first year, so I wasn't looking for any signs of that in my near future at all. And was very freaked out when I did see it.

So, it wasn't much of a shock when I realized that my milk supply had been greatly affected by these events. All week I've been working as hard as I can to keep up with Charleigh's needs and get back into our normal breastfeeding routine, but my boobs are not keeping up and Charleigh knows it too and has not been very happy with me.

They are very soft feeling, and my let downs typically are very strong and painful for me, and I've barely felt them at all this week. I would typically let down every single hour and need to wear breast pads at all times because I would leak, and I've not had that at all either.

I'm doing as much as I know to do right now. Trying my best to stay hydrated, and to feed Charleigh more often than I normally was. I'm making myself eat, even though I don't feel like it. But, I've also finally had to incorporate some Fenugreek too, hoping to amp up the supply again.

Yesterday, she was so upset with me. She would frantically try to nurse, and nothing was happening to her satisfaction, and she would throw a huge fit. I'd swap her to the other side, and still no luck. So, I finally had to break down and give her some formula. It broke my heart, and made all the events that I've been through feel so much worse.

I'm not a person who sees formula as an enemy or poison or something. I'm glad it's available for times when breastmilk is not an option. But, for me, it was just really hard to be going through all of this other with my mom, and feel like my breastfeeding relationship was beeing forcefully taken away too. Charleigh is my last baby, and I want to be the one who makes the decision about WHEN I stop breastfeeding because I won't ever have this time in my life again. So, I hurt at the idea that it may just be taken from me without my getting a say in it at all. :(

It's just an added issue at an already stressful time, that I shouldn't have to worry about. And it's something that a lot of people around me aren't seeming to understand, and that hurts too. They say, "Well, formula is not going to hurt her!" And most of these people chose to mainly formula feed they're babies, and so I think they are taking offense to my sadness about having to give her formula because of my milk supply issues. And like I said, it's not even anything about my feelings on my baby having formula, as it is about my choice of when to stop breastfeeding should be MINE! (Just like their choice about breastfeeding should be theirs.)

We are going to get through this, cause I'm certainly not going down without a fight. I am worried though cause my mom asked me to stay with her again overnight at the hospital this weekend. And I don't want to cause further damage to my supply. Hopefully, this time won't be as stressful, and I will be able to pump appropriately during the time.

My mom needs me, my baby needs me. It's a struggle I wouldn't wish anyone to go through!

I will definitely keep record of how this unfolds. We are going to get through it!

"6 mos old and obviously done with that now"

2011-09-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

This was a quote from a Craigslist's listing that my husband told me about. The lady was selling her Medela breastpump, and she said, "My baby is 6 mos old, so we are obviously done with that now."

We laughed, cause we too have 6 mos old, and ummm... we are "obviously" not done with that. LOL Probably won't be done with that for another year from now. LOL

Maybe we are weirdos, but I feel like we are just getting into our groove now. I couldn't imagine being DONE at 6 mos already. :)

Anyway, since my last post, I am still at that WALL though. I feel like I might even be dealing with a delayed onset of the Baby Blues. I'm just tired, really tired. I don't know if breastfeeding is the only culprit behind this, but feeding nearly every 2 hours day and night certainly is NOT helping any.

I have moments, like even this very second, where I feel like I could just cry, but I don't have a real reason to cry. Just wish I had a MOMENT just for myself. I really need that moment to come soon.

This funk, it depleats all my creative energy, well... actually ALL my energy. But, for me, my creative side is ME. And when that part fades to the background, I feel very lost and not myself. Out-of-control even. And, I don't like it.

My house, oh gosh, my house. It is not at its best these days. I'm trying my best, but I'm just so overwhelmed, I don't even know where to begin. And I'm the type of person that likes to do things start-to-finish. Well, when you have a baby with a very demanding feeding schedule, you NEVER get to do that. I no more than get started on something, and then I have to stop to feed the baby again. And things always take so much longer than they normally would, and it depresses me! I feel like I'm the hamster on the wheel, running as fast as I can and seriously getting nowhere!

Anyway, I try stay focused on what matters at this time. I do have a very healthy and adorable baby, and she is completely dependant on me to keep her that way. She won't be like this forever, each day I do see little glimpses of where she is headed, but these days are all about HER needs for now and not mine.

And she is a healthy girl!! She had her 6 mos check-up last Friday, and she weighed 19 lbs 4 oz (90-95%) and was 26 1/2 inches long (75%), and her head size was off the chart (but they said that was fine cause she's always had a big head LOL). She gets one solid feeding a day (which has made her diapers just awful now!!), and she is trying to sit but hasn't gotten there yet.

She has no teeth yet, and I am very grateful for that. This child actually scares me for the day when the teeth do come in, cause she already bites down really hard with her gums and makes me scream. So, I'm terrified of her biting me when she does have sharp little teethies!!

I had a biter before (my sweet little Alex), and I am using the same techniques I used with him. Right now though, they don't seem to phase her. When she bites, I will scream (cause it hurts) and pinch her nose (to make her let go). And when I do that, she laughs at me! LOL Little stinker. I try to be firm, but she just smiles and makes googly eyes at me. :) If I let her latch again and she bites again, I will just remove her altogether. Most of the time she doesn't seem to care though.

I'm hoping that this is just the beginning of teething for her. With Alex, he would bite, bite, bite until the tooth actually broke through, and then he'd leave me alone until the next one. But, I tell you, there will be no distracted nursing with this little girl! I may lose precious appendages if I tried.

All-in-all I still enjoy breastfeeding more than not. How could I not, really, when I see how much joy it brings to my sweet baby girl?! When she's really sleepy or really hungry, she will actually make this adorable laughing sound when she knows it's coming!! And then latches on for dear life, hugging in to me so tight like she's just found her own version of heaven. :) I LOVE those moments with my babies so much, that I wouldn't dare give them up over the inconveniences that breastfeeding may bring to me.

She won't be little forever, she won't always want to be snuggled in my arms, so I am taking full advantage of these moments for as long as I can right now!

Nearly 6 mos and hitting the "wall"

2011-08-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post may not go over well with the deep spririted, hard core lactivists cause I'm about to get REAL about breastfeeding. You may wanna stop reading now if you've never had one bad thought about your breastfeeding experience, but to everyone else out there, I think you will be encouraged to know you're not alone when you do have thoughts like this.

Ok, so, I do LOVE breastfeeding!! I've been very BLESSED to be able to make it through this far with my 4th breastfeeding experience!! My babies have all LOVED breastfeeding, and are pretty good at it. I've been blessed with ample milk supply, and on most days and most occassions it's just the BEST feeling in the world!!

But...

I've come to realize that about this same point in each of my breastfeeding relationships, I hit the Wall.

What wall, you ask? The one where I really question whether breastfeeding is making my life easier and enjoyable or not. The one where I really just want to SLEEP, and be able to go and do what I want to do without feeling chained to the baby by these boobs. The one where, quite simply, I'm feeling selfish, and just want a little bit of ME back!!

Now there's no need for panic! I will not do actually do anything about this. I experienced this moment with all 3 of my other babies, and I never stopped breastfeeding them. So, I definitely won't be stopping this time either, especially with her being my last!! Despite how I feel at this moment, I'm actually very emotionally attached to breastfeeding, and you will see that part of me come out in about a year from now when we are discussing truly weaning this LAST baby!!

Anyway, yeah, right now, I'm just REALLY, REALLY tired. I've not had a good night's sleep definitely since she's been born, but truly not since months before that too, since I couldn't sleep during the last trimester of pregnancy either. So, I'm a VERY sleep deprived person right now. I daydream about sleeping--seriously! I just think, "Oh, if I would just give her formula, it would be easy to put her on a feeding schedule, and then I'd get some sleep!!"

And then, just the whole idea of going ANYWHERE right now exhausts me!! Because, even just a trip to the grocery store is going to be an all day event. I will have to feed the baby, then take a shower/get dressed. Feed the baby again, and the quickly get in the car, and go straight to the store. PRAY REALLY HARD that I can make it through the whole shopping trip without the baby wanting to feed again! NEVER make it through that shopping trip, so I just quickly get what I can and get out the door, then feed the baby. By now, I'm exhausted!! And I usually have my 2 yr old with me too, who needs his belly filled as well. So, we have to decide is there anything else left doing in town today that is really worth the effort, or do we just need to go back home and call it a day.

These days are hard! And I reach this point during each breastfeeding relationship where I am completely envious of the "seeming" freedom of the formula feeding mommies, cause I don't think they have to think about this whole process as hard as the breastfeeding moms do. They could actually leave that baby with someone to go do the errands they want to do, and just make sure there is enough formula for the time they will be away.

Well, sure I could pump, and try to do the same trick, right? It ain't really that easy, in my experience. Ok, for one, I don't have a lot of extra time TO PUMP!! I have a baby that feeds every 2 hours, nearly day AND night. So, I'm supposed to take what little time in between and pump now too?! Um, no!! And then, say I did have a good supply stocked away in the freezer. I'd still end up having to stop during my errands to pump anyway just to maintain appropriate supply and demand for my baby. So, what am I really saving? Since I don't have a fridge in my car, I couldn't be out too long with that freshly expressed milk cause it would go bad and be wasted. And that's just big NO-NO in the mind of a breastfeeding mom!!

So, yeah, are you feeling as stressed and tied to a baby as I am right now?! I love her to pieces, would do anything for her--obviously!! But, I'm feeling worn thin right now.

The good news is that it does get better! I, thankfully, have experience on my side to know that I really am in the worst of it right now, but if I can hold on for just a few more months, this will be better. Up until they are able to sit, explore, and eat some solids, breastfeeding is a very tough job!! But, once they become these bigger more independent babies, breastfeeding slows down, and becomes much more manageable!! I've just got to pull all my strength together right now to make it to that point.

It was easy in the first few months because the baby euphoria was so strong; but yes, nearing this 1/2 year mark, reality is starting to take its toll, and the euphoria is fading. She's just as cute, but I'm feeling a little used at the moment. I need a break, a good vacation, really. But, it's just not time for that now, so all I can do is complain and whine for a moment, and then try to pull myself together and stay focused on the prize!

It really is a joy to breastfeed, and I won't trade this time for anything in the world, including sleep and freedom! I know it will only be a blink of an eye, and I will be wishing she would just lay in my arms and nurse again. I know it will be a blink of an eye before she won't even fit in my arms again. So, I will continue to do my best to push through my selfish thoughts and feelings of the day, and just relish this very special time with her when I know that I do bring my daughter so much joy and comfort with such ease!! That is NOT always going to be the case, I better treasure this time as much as I can!!

Thankful she is such a good baby!!

2011-08-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I had to go to a wedding shower. I wasn't sure if I was going to take Charleigh with me or not, so I did pump ahead of time to prepare. I ended up deciding that I would take her, because I figured that I would see some people there that would probably want to see her. But, I was still going to bring the pumped milk cause I wasn't sure how well actually sitting down to nurse her during this event would work out.

Well, halfway in to the 2 hour drive to get to the shower, I realized that I had forgotten to pack the pumped milk!! DOH!!! And, of course, I didn't have the pump or anything like that with me either. So, I was going to just have to make it work, but I was really concerned how it would go. The shower was 2-4 p.m., and she religiously eats at 2:30 p.m. She gets irate about this one for some reason. So, I was working all the wheels in my head trying to figure out what my best plan would be.

We get to the shower and it is CRAM PACKED!!! Barely standing room!! One of the workers helped find a place for me and Charleigh to sit, but once we got there, I knew there was no getting up!! I was elbow to elbow with people I didn't even know, and we were right at prime nursing time and I was STUCK in this crowded room!

Thankfully, Charleigh is a dream child in public!! I always expect that moment when she's not, but this time ended up being just perfect for us. She was so interested in all the new faces and the new environment that kept her attention until the gift opening was over and people started clearing the room!! I could not have been more thankful for my sweet little girl!!

She held it together to be passed around a couple of times, and then finally she started to fret and seemed to realize that it was nearly an hour past her typical feeding time. By that point, I was able to bow out gracefully and go feed her in my car with no one realizing what a circus this COULD have been.

I mean seriously, I fully expected that she would start the screaming and tugging at my shirt in such a manner that I would have definitely caused a scene. And though I'm not opposed to pulling it out in public, I really wanted to keep the focus on the bride for this occassion and not the exhibitionist breastfeeding mom! LOL

Anyway, yeah, just wanted to brag on this little cutie cause she definitely deserves it!!

We've also started some baby foods. A little cereal to which did not get much reaction. Green beans seemed to confuse her. LOL Carrots she LOVED. Rice Mum Mums are helping us get through dinner time a little better, and I gave her a banana in the Safety Feeder and she LOVED that!! I don't feed her daily baby food, and at most she might have eaten 1/2 a jar of those teeny size 1 jars at a time. So not really getting much nutritionally from it. More just introducing some flavors to her. :)

Oh, and her sweet big brother Carter gave her the rest of his Snicker's Ice Cream bar one night! Wasn't that nice of him?! LOL Oh my goodness, she was going to town on it, and threw quite the fit when we realized what she had and took it away! The most scary of that was that it has peanuts in it, but we watched her and she seemed ok afterwards.

"Should I be?!"

2011-06-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

That's what I had to say to my 8 yr old the other day, when he asked a breastfeeding related question that really surprised me.

We went to visit my dad, whom we don't see very often, and I had to feed Charleigh a couple of times while we were there. I thought nothing about it, cause it's just business as usual for me.

However, when we were on our way home, my 8 yr old son says, "Mom, were you embarrassed feeding baby Charleigh in front of your dad?"

My mouth sort of dropped on that one, and I laughed and said, "No! Should I be?"

He said, "No."

Then I said, "Were you?!"

And he said, "It embarrasses me that it takes her so LONG to eat!" And we both just laughed, and dropped it.

But, I was really surprised that he said that. Breastfeeding has been part of his life ever since birth. He's the oldest of the four, and he's seen me feed all the babies. I don't "shelter" him from it, because I want all my kids to know that it is just the way babies are supposed to be fed. It's never been a big deal.

I don't let them "oggle" me or anything like that, but I refused to have to hide away every time the baby needed to feed. And really, what kind of mom would I be if I was hidden away all the times the baby needed eat with as often and as long as these babies feed?!

I really don't think he's bothered at all about the whole breastfeeding thing. The most that ALL of my kids get bothered by it is they know that when it's time for the baby to eat, they have to WAIT till the baby is done before they get to do whatever it is they want to do. So, I get lots of whines whenever we are out and about and they find out it's time to feed the baby again! LOL

(We always tell them that if they don't think she needs to eat right now, that they can do without at their next mealtime too. And that seems to change their minds about it real fast. LOL)

I did talk to him again later about it, asking again why did he think it would embarrass me to feed a baby in front of my dad? I explained that sometimes it embarrasses the people that I am around, but I figure if someone else is uncomfortable with being around a baby that is eating, then they will leave. But, that it doesn't personally bother me to feed in front of others.

And for the record, when I am feeding in front of others I am discreet about it. I use a cover, and try to make sure nothing is exposed. So, that's why I feel that if anyone still has complaint after that, they can do the moving instead of me.

Nearly a year from weaning Carter...

2011-06-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

and now 3 months in to nursing Charleigh!! :)

I just read through my last post about Carter's weaning, and I looked at the date. June 28, 2010. How funny that it was July 1st, 2010 that the home pregnancy test came out positive for our 4th baby, Charleigh!! She was born March 3rd via c-section, weighing 8 lb 3 oz. And our nursing experience has been wonderful right from the start!

You hear stories that c-sections make your milk come in later or not at all, so I was worried about that. But, that wasn't the case at all with us. The worst of our nursing was during the first 24 hours. My other babies were all sleepy in those first few days, but Charleigh seemed starved to death. She wanted to nurse pretty constantly, and cried when she wasn't. I was very worried that I was going to be dealing with the worst colicky baby ever, and I was scared.

I spoke to a Lactation Consultant the morning after she was born cause she had given me such a rough first night. And the LC said that as long as she was having as many wet/dirty diapers as the days old she was that she was getting plenty to eat. So during the first day, she only had to have 1 wet/dirty diaper! She had about 8! LOL So, she was obviously getting enough, she was just fussy.

Well, then we had our next hurdle with her. She was losing a lot of weight. And by the end of day 2 she was down to 7 lb 9 oz, and the pediatrician said that if she lost any more weight at all we would have to start her on a SNS (Supplemental Nursing System). She was also getting more jaundiced by the day.

I knew my milk was starting to come in by this point, cause I could just feel my breast getting bigger and I was starting to feel light let-down reflexes as she was nursing. And to our excitement, the very next day, she had gained an ounce!! And then the next day, she gained 4 more ounces!! No more worries for her!!

She's been pretty consistent of feeding every 2 hours throughout the day, then at night she goes one 4-5 hour stretch, and then picks back up with 2 hour feedings again. She only cries when she is hungry! A very good baby so far!! And she really has been a huge joy for our family!!

At her 2 mos apt she was up to 12 lbs 7 oz, and so she's chunking up very nicely these days!

I'm so excited to be breastfeeding again, yet, I know this will be my last time for sure since I had a tubal at my delivery. It makes it bittersweet! As I was reading through Carter's last blog, I was already feeling the tug on my heart that will come when I write that final post for Charleigh! Thankfully, that is a while yet, but I know how quickly this time will fly!

The ticker has stopped

2010-06-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

at 1 yr 8 mos 4 weeks. :(

He is done. I'm sad, but I'm ok too. He got to nurse much longer than my other two. We didn't get a child-led weaning like I really wanted, but he really didn't seem to want to give it up on his own accord any time soon. And, I did have a firm 2 year deadline. :)

Just in the past week Greg, my hubby, took the iniative to get him to sleep at night without nursing. He fussed the first night of this pretty bad, but ended up falling asleep with Greg on the couch. The next night we just kept the lights on and he just played and played and played till he finally crawled up on the couch and fell asleep. The next night I just put him in his bed, and he did not give the first wimper. I layed him down, told him goodnight, and turned out the lights and he was asleep!

Last night he got a little upset at bedtime, but we started playing games. And I told him go sit with daddy and be his buddy. And then when he came back to sit with me, I said, "Are you going to come be my buddy?" And somehow he understood that that just meant we were going to sit together. Then we played a few games before bed, and then I put him over in his bed. And he slept again for the rest of the night.

So, after 4 or 5 days now, I think it's safe to say that we are done.

I've been so lonely for him, and I really just want to cuddle with him. Maybe once we get a little further from it, he will be ready to do that. Right now, I think it would be too much temptation.

I've really enjoyed my sleep though. It's actually a little strange to be rested! And I'm pretty sure my milk was about gone anyway cause the last few times he did latch on, it was very painful. And even after 4 days of not nursing, I'm not even a little engorged. (That's much different than my first weaning experience where I quit cold turkey and ended up with mastitis a few days later!)

This day has to come for all nursing babies and their mommies! I'm just really happy that we got to enjoy the experience for as long as we have because I know not many make it as long as we did, these days!

The end is drawing near...

2010-05-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh, I have been so depressed lately. The end of mine and Carter's breastfeeding relationship is coming very soon. Each day I have the fear that the end may have already come and I won't have "known" that it was the LAST time.

We are down to only 1, sometimes 2, nursings a day now. Only at night. He goes all day without it, and he's drinking his regular milk much better now.

I know he doesn't "need" my milk nutritioonally now, but it's really about the only time that I get to sit and cuddle and hold him for any amount of time these days, and I'm really hating giving that up.

He's different than my other two nursers were. At the end they still wanted to hold on to "me" while they fell asleep. Carter wants no part of that. If he can't latch on, he doesn't even want to know it's there. LOL I'm kind of sad about this, cause it made the transition easier on me too.

But, I'm ready to move him on too. My cycle is pretty messed up because of the nursing hormones too. And, since it wasn't in a good place before Carter, I really need to see what "normal" for me is going to be like.

Not to mention, I need a full night's sleep. I haven't had one of those in a LONG time!!!

The weaning techniques I've been using for the day time has been mainly don't offer/don't refuse. But, there for a while, he was "asking" a lot! So, I started telling him, "You don't need that!" when I knew that he was just wanting it out of habit, and he'd laugh at me. Also, my hubby started teasing him too. Everytime he'd see Carter reaching for it, he'd say, "Don't eat that, that's mine!" Carter would get this worried look on his face, and then he'd refuse it. I'd offer it to him, and he'd shake his head "no" and say, "shew!" LOL

When I've made my peace about the final weaning, I plan to go sleep in a different room for a while and let my hubby cover the night time with Carter. I feel that if/when he wakes up and Daddy is the one to get to him, it won't give him the cue to "nurse" back to sleep like it is when I get him in the night. It will probably be some rough days, and I guarentee it will break my heart cause I'm already feeling that lump in my throat right now as I'm typing all of this. But, it's part of the cycle of life. He has to grow up, whether I'm ready or not.

How does it goes so quickly?!

Take Notice!!!

2010-04-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

LULU the company I published my book through is offering a deal for my book through May 1st, 2010 of FREE SHIPPING. I listed on the side bar under my book link, but I wanted to be sure to catch your attention this way too!!

If you've been thinking about ordering my book, this is the best time to do it!! Use the code FREEMAIL305 when you order.

Here's LULU's fine print, btw:

Disclaimer: Use coupon code FREEMAIL305 at checkout and receive $3.99 towards your final shipping cost. This amount is the US mail cost for a single book order. Please note: there will be a shipping total listed on your order receipt. This coupon code will reduce your final order total by $3.99, which is the US mail cost for a single book. Purchase must be 3rd party content. Self-purchases of your own content are not eligible. Discount cannot be used to pay for, nor shall be applied to applicable taxes or shipping and handling charges. Shipping destination must be a valid US address. Promotional codes cannot be applied to any previous order. No exchanges or substitutions allowed. Only one valid promotional code may be used per account. Coupon cannot be used in combination with other coupon codes. Offer expires on 5/1/10 at 11:59 PM. Lulu.com reserves the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime. Void where prohibited.

Pain, Pain, Go Away....

2010-04-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, most of the pain has gone away already before I've even had a chance to sit and write about it.

But, yes, we've been managing pain again. On Wednesday, I yet again let fashion take-over common sense, and I wore a bra with an underwire. By the evening I was already noticing the pain starting from a clogged duct. I've gotten so used to it, I didn't really stress about it. Just knew I was going to have to start working again on massaging it out.

When I went to bed I was pretty engorged, don't really know why, so I was in a lot of pain already going to bed. Then, sometime in the night I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a bus!! My breast hurt SOOOOO bad, but the rest of my body from neck down ached all over too. And then I realized that I was running a fever (102), and had the chills. I could not get my teeth to stop chattering.

I got up, and managed my way to get some Advil and just something to drink. Then I got in a very warm bath and just tried to manually express as much as I could to relieve the engorgement. I followed up with ice packs, and tried to get back in bed to "sleep". (meantime, my 5 year old woke up with a nightmare and I had shoo monsters away, and then Carter realized I was gone and demanded Mommy come snuggle him back to sleep too!)

I had too much planned on Thursday to let this thing slow me down, so I popped more Advil and just kept going the best I could, but by lunch I was still running fever, nauseous, achy, and just felt like a trainwreck. I kept treating everything to the best I knew how. Continued to work on the clog. Nursed as much as I could stand (I still am dealing with the milk blister, and Carter's cutting new teeth and it's cause sore nipples as well.) I used warm washclothes, and massage, and basically pleading with God, "PLEASE MAKE THIS PAIN GO AWAY!!!" LOL

Friday, I finally don't have a fever, and the red inflammation on my breast had gone away, but the clog was still there and I was still very achy and tired, and still feeling like I'd been hit by a bus. But, again, I had plans so couldn't slow down still. I had 2 kids getting check-ups. (One was supposed to be shot free and he ended up having to have a shot!) :(

Carter checked out perfect weighing 34 lb 13 oz!!! Oh me!!! He was WAY OFF the charts!! LOL

Later, I finally called out for help from a fellow breastfeeder to see if she could offer any other tricks or if it really was time to bite the bullet and go to the doctor. Well, she basically said, "GO. NOW!" LOL

Luckily there was an Urgent Care Clinic here that stayed open late. I was able to go as soon as hubby got home from work. (This was not an apt. I wanted to drag all 3 of my boys to, ya know! LOL) But, they fixed me up!! They gave me an antibiotic shot. (You should've seen my face when they said I was getting a shot!! I was much like the 5 year old who had found out earlier that day that he was getting a shot too!) I was a little embarrassed cause I started rolling up my sleeve for the shot, and the nurse said, "Um, hunny, we give them in the...hip." LOL (My 5 yr old agreed that was WAY worse!!) When she pushed the medicine through though, that stuff HURT!!! I still feel bruised from that! But I was brave cause if I made my baby get a shot, I figured I better man-up too!

I went to bed early that night and to my great relief by the next morning, I felt like a new woman!! I no longer felt like I was hit by a bus. I still had the clog and some pain from that, but not as much. And the nipple was still sore.

Today, the CLOG IS GONE!!! So that pain is all better. I'm still taking oral antiobiotics, but it was very clear how necessary this doc trip was. I'm so glad I went. Now if I can clear up this sore nipple, I will be so HAPPY!!!

I'm keeping Lansinoh on it, but I don't really know what else I can do. The milk blister did break open weeks ago when I first got it, but it still hasn't fully healed. I don't know if it just keeps re-opening each time I feed or not. I'm trying to go as long as I can without nursing to let it heal. I'm just going to keep going till I can't anymore. The pain from it had gone away, it only resurfaced this week when he started teething again. So, maybe relief will come soon!

Article: Breast-feeding Would Save Lives, Money

2010-04-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

It seems obvious, but it's always good to have science and research studies to point to as well.

http://health.yahoo.com/news/ap/us_med_breast_feeding_savings.html

The only thing I would like to add is that breast-feeding doesn't prevent these things altogether, but I am sure it goes a long way at preventing most illnesses and lessens the effects of a lot of others.

18 mos must be the limit.

2010-04-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

No, he's still not weaned. I'm not sure he will get weaned now. Since his hospital stay he's been VERY attached. Throws some very awful fits when I try to get him to wait. He's very indignate about it now. LOL And I really have been trying to get him to cut back because for the past few weeks I've been dealing with a milk blister and that thing is PAINFUL!!!

It came up from having yet another clogged duct. I treated myself for the clog, and that cleared up. (Thankfully, the pain from that went all the way under my arm!!) But, the milk blister is still there, and I tried using epsom salt soak as recommended by kellymom.com: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/nipplebleb.html

So far, I'm still very sore from it, and I can still see the white spot.

Anyway, way off topic here, but my post was to say, I just started my first post-partum period this morning. So, even though I'm still nursing 4-6 times a day, it has officially came back!

With my other two, I weaned them at 14 and 15 mos and I did not start back until COMPLETELY weaning. And then it was about 6 weeks after that. So, that's why I say, I guess 18 mos is my limit. I know that's very good compared to what a lot of moms get, so I'm not complaining. Mainly I just wanted to document it.

Breastfeeding saves the day!

2010-03-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

So, last week was quite a rough one for us! Only a week after dealing with Carter's broken femur, and learning of his bone cyst; we were hit with another surprising medical issue. Carter ended up spending 5 days in the hospital dealing with a few different issues none related to the leg issues!

He had started vomitting and spiked a fever of 103.7 just after we came home from an appointment with his Pediatric Orthopaedic doc in Nashville. Frantically, I called the pediatrician and since it was so late they told me to try to control the fever through the night, and then come in to see them first thing in the morning. IT WAS A LONG NIGHT!

When we got there they said he was pretty dehydrated and he had an ear infection. They gave him a roceferin shot and some pedialyte, and told us to watch him through the rest of the night for vomitting. They said he may need to be admitted locally for fluids.

Well, not long after leaving the there he continued to vomit 4 more times. He was keeping nothing down, he lips were literrally colorless, and he was just laying there as pitiful as I had ever seen him! I was scared, so I called the pedi. office back and told them I couldn't go another night like this. So, they told us to go to the local E.R.

There they immediately hooked him up to fluids, but they also noticed he was struggling to breathe. Things got a lot scarier when they decided they wanted to send us by ambulance to Vanderbilt's Children's Hospital in Nashville (where we had just been about his bone cyst, btw).

It turned out he was having a severe asthma attack brought on by whatever virus was causing the vomitting. He spent a total of 5 days in the hospital on oxygen, doing breathing treatments, and pushing fluids.

Now, here's where the breastfeeding part comes in. See, even at the pedi's office, she had told me do not give him anything but pedialyte for now until he's able to keep that down. However, when she found out that I was still breastfeeding, she was thrilled. She said, "Oh, give him that as much as he seems to want it. It is the one thing that will do wonders for his system right now!"

And then, even once we got to the hospital the doctors were singing my praises too about still breastfeeding him, INCLUDING the doc at the 15 mos check-up that said that we "stop that now". They all made me feel like I was doing something very wonderful to help him that even they couldn't do for him.

And for the whole 5 days in the hospital that is pretty much the only sustenence he was getting. He was hooked up to an IV the whole time, but every time we tried to re-introduce other foods he would vomit them back up.

It made me feel good too to be able to comfort my baby when he needed me.

And even though I had been feeling a dip in my supply, I somehow managed to keep up with him.

Also, another benefit to breastfeeding him, was that because I was breastfeeding him they supplied me with 3 meals a day too while we stayed in the hospital. If I hadn't been feeding him, they would have only given 1 meal each day for the parent.

So, I left encouraged and empowered about our breastfeeding situation. I hadn't felt that in a long time!

And he is doing much better, though we are still dealing with his leg issues. (that part won't be over for quite a while!)

This was taken in the morning of the day we went in the hospital.

This was a few days after coming home, he had just learned to walk with the cast on!

You can't plan life.

2010-02-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

I keep learning this the hard way with Carter.

We had been doing pretty well with eliminating feedings. I had got him down to about 2 during the day and one during the night. That was a pretty big improvement from where it was. He's fought me about it, and some days were much harder than others.

I feel a big drop in my milk production already. I had some painful moments where I caved and offered to him just to relieve the pressure I was feeling (he gladly obliged!). But, now I really feel pretty empty. Even when I do nurse him, I'm not feeling that painful letdowns that I typically do. They are either very light or unnoticeable at all.

However, life happened again the day before yesterday, and I'm not sure where we are heading with the breastfeeding and/or weaning. Carter fell two different times that day. And though neither were "bad" falls, they both led to bad consequences for him. The first time he bit his toungue, and the second he fractured his femur!!

The broken bone was more of a symptom of an underlying issue that we had no way of knowing was there. He has cysts in the bone and that caused his bone to be very thin and fragile. So, even though he only slipped on a wet spot on the floor, it ended up breaking his leg. His leg is wrapped from hip to toe to set the break.

Well, on the day of the falls, I thought we were just going to have an immediate end to nursing. The pain in his toungue was so bad he couldn't even nurse. He tried, but then had to pull off cause it obviously hurt so bad and so he just sat in my lap whining and wimpering and clinging to me. I did fully expect him to just completely turn away for good since it was causing the pain, and because of his age I wasn't going to really struggle with him to try to maintain nursing if this led to full weaning.

However, the next day his toungue must have felt better, but his leg was obviously not. And just through all that he had to go through for that, he was looking to me for his "comfort", and there was no way I was going to refuse regardless of what time it was.

Now, since he's not able to move (he's not allowed to crawl, walk, stand, or anything like that cause they don't want to move the injured leg any more than necessary), it's like he doesn't know what else to do than nurse. He's begged at my shirt all day, and a lot of times I'm just giving in cause I feel so helpless for him otherwise.

As I said before, I have noticed a dramatic decrease in my supply, so I'm not sure if he's getting anything more than comfort sucking anyway. But, I'm just looking at my little 16 month old baby with his broken leg and I just want to do anything to make the little guy happy!!

So, we'll see how things go. I can't wait to see the specialist though and really get a better idea about how long this immobility will last. It's hard on us all!

Now how can you turn that down?!

2010-02-01T09:49:00.000-08:00

:) Oh my, this baby has got my number, for sure!!!

Today, I was up running around cleaning, and Carter spent most of the morning trying to chase me down and he was whining. Well, I finally went into the living room and as soon as he saw me he grabbed a blanket, ran to the chair I normally sit in, and pointed with the biggest excitement. When I realized that he was begging me to sit in "our spot" I knew I couldn't turn him down. The sad thing was, since I knew I was about to sit down for a few minutes I was going to grab me a drink. When I turned around to go get it, it broke that baby's heart! He fell to the floor in tears, and I had to go get him right away!

Yes, he does have my number. I simply can't turn him down when it obviously means so much to him.

I'm starting the process.

2010-01-30T06:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, I wanted this to be a child led weaning this time, but I've decided that I'm ready to start guiding him on the road. He doesn't seem to be interested in slowing down at all. During the day he will nurse about 3-4 times, and then at night he still nurses about 2-3 times.

I have TRIED at night to just let him sleep it out, but he is more adament about those feedings than he is about ANY of them. He gets MAD!!

He's 16 mos old now, and I'm ready for a the baby type feedings to be over. My other two were both fully weaned by 14 and 15 mos, and even at the points where I had initiated their weanings they were down to only 2 nursings a day (usually before bed and first thing in the morning). I'd be happy if we were at THAT point!

Carter was always a big nurser, if you remember. In the beginning he was barely making it 2 hours between feedings! Wore me out!!!

So, like I said, I have officially started the process. We've had 2 days where I decided to take away his mid-morning feed. This coincides with his morning nap at about 10:30 a.m. He has not been happy about this at all!! The first day, he just kept coming up to me smack at my shirt and whining, "bite, bite". Instead of saying "No," I would ask him, "Do you want a drink?" and then offer him his sippy cup.

Oh, HE WAS OFFENDED!!! He started hitting me harder, and then whined and wimpered. It broke my heart! He eventually just ran off to play more, but would come back ever so often to start up the same scenario again.

He ended up NOT taking his morning nap. :( Infact, he stayed awake until 3:00 p.m. when we went to go pick up Jared from school. He quickly fell out asleep in the car.

So, after his nap, the next time he came up to me wanting to nurse I let him. He cackled and laughed as soon as he saw it, and then just lunged for it and I didn't think he was going to ever let go.

That's the parts that make me sad. Seeing him get such enjoyment out of it!

But, like I said, I need him to cut back a lot for me. He's big enough, he eats plenty of table foods (and loves them). So, he's definitely old enough for me to request it be pleasant for both of us.

I plan to work my way through 1 feeding a week as he allows. I started with what seemed like the easiest one to eliminate, and am using different techniques as I can. Delaying the feed as long as I can, redirecting his attention, offering him other choices, and continuing to reassure him with as much love, hugs, kisses, and cuddles as I can.

He's named it.

2010-01-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

Each of my babies have had a special word they used for nursing. Carter is actually a little late in picking one, but he's definitely made it clear now what he calls it!

When he wants to nurse he comes up to me and tugs at my shirt and says, "BITE!" LOL

I know kind of why he says it. He's a grunter and pointer. And so when he wants things I try to get him to say words for them instead. And so the word for eating I always would say "bite". Somehow, he decided that "bite" included all forms of eating, and now particularly nursing. :)

My 1st baby called it "nigh-nigh", and that was mainly cause I'd always nurse him to sleep and I'd say before going, "You wanna go night-night!"

My 2nd called it "boop" and he got that from big brother. It's really a complicated story, but that's what he called it! LOL

Ugh!! The doctor...

2010-01-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

I took Carter for his 15 mos checkup today, and I hadn't planned on even sharing that we were still nursing.

The nurse asked if he was drinking whole milk now, and I said yes. (Cause I do give it to him with meals.) And she wanted to know how much was he taking in, and I said, "Well, not a lot cause he really doesn't like it. He drinks juice fine, but barely drinks the whole milk at all."

So, then she said, "Well, is he still getting some breastmilk too?" So, I said, "Yes." And of course she wanted to know how much, so I said that he still nurses about 6 times a day usually. She didn't seem to mind that info, just wrote it in his chart.

But, then the doctor came in and was looking over everything. And he said, "So, your still breastfeeding? When you planning on stopping that?"

I said, "Well, I guess when he'll let me." And then he said, "Um. I doubt he'll make that decision. You need to start telling him no."

UGH! Come on! This is between me and my baby, and I do know that the WHO (World Health Organization) says that it is beneficial to breastfeed up to 2 years and beyond as long as desired by both mom and baby.

He started this on me the last apt (12 mos check) and he wasn't as verbal about it, but just said, "You can stop breastfeeding at any time now." So that's why I didn't even want to say anything today.

It's my 3rd baby, I know what I'm doing. And this baby will be weaned in an appropriate timeframe. I'm the parent, these are decisions that are for me to decide, and I really don't need the lectures anymore. I think the three healthy, happy kids I'm raising are quite the testament to my parenting skills!

(BTW, the first thing the doc said when he walked in was "Oh, somebody's been eating well!" LOL YEAH!!! He really has!! So why are you complaining?)

Oh, and his stats were 28 lb 9 oz, and 31 3/4 in long!!! He was 90% in weight, and 50% in height!

I'm Thankful to Breastfeed because...

2009-12-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm a little late to add a Thanksgiving post, but you can be thankful anytime, right?

As I was saying, I'm THANKFUL to BREASTFEED because....

* It makes my baby so happy. The little giggle he gives just knowing it's coming even makes my husband laugh.
* It gives my baby special nutrition that nothing else in this world could.
* It's so easy and convenient. (Couldn't have managed Disney without it!)
* Its comfort helps boo boos heal so much faster.
* It helps my baby go to sleep in seconds. Nothing else does!!
* It's the one thing my sick baby will still eat.
* It's a special relationship that I get to have with my babies that no one else can provide.
* It makes me remember how GREAT our God is that He left no detail undone. (The whole pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding just leaves me awestruck!)
* It helps me get more sleep than I would otherwise feeding a newborn.
* It makes me forget that women even have periods. (My baby is 14 mos old and I've still not started back!! YAY!!
* It lets me get more cuddle time with my ever-so-active little guy!!

There are a thousand great reasons to breastfeed, and I'm very thankful that I've been given so many blessing for doing what seems like such a simple thing for my child!!!

Another "Ouch" Post

2009-10-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

OUCH!!! I'm having nipple pains again!

It's so frustrating. I finally got to a place where I feel comfortable with how things are going, and now my right side hurts so bad every time he nurses that I'm almost purposefully pushing him away. (He fights back with a vengence though.)

But, seriously, each time he nurses on that side for the past week, it has felt like he's about to rip it off. He's not doing anything weird or unusual. I really think that he must be getting ready to cut some more teeth. I've noticed with him that when he's cutting teeth, I will get this unbearable nipple pain. (Sounds like an obvious reason, right? New teeth=biting! But that's NOT what it is.) I think his saliva must change during that time to something that is irritating to my skin.

I will try to get him not to nurse on that side when I know it's just for pacification. But, he'll start smacking at my shirt, and really getting irate about it, until I give in! I've even tried just giving him a small bottle of milk to help him go off to sleep, but he gets completely offended at that idea and tries to knock the bottle out of my hand!

I'm back to Lansinoh, warm washclothes, and sometimes cold packs too. AAAHHHH!!!

It's times like this that I really wish that I had invested in a nipple shield, but I know that they aren't really recommended anymore cause it can cause nipple confusion and reduce milk production since they aren't nursing appropriately. (Of course, at 12 mos, I'm not real concerned about either of those issues. LOL)

Oh, well, I just keep chanting "it will pass, it will pass", and one day, I know it will!

Yes, we are still nursing.

2009-10-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

I seem to be saying that a lot these days. People obviously think I'm a freak, and I have to admit that I feel a little freakish about it at times too just because of the way others have been acting towards me lately.

Also, I wrote out this great post a few weeks ago. I was so proud of it, and just as I was proofreading and ready to publish, Mr. Carterman found the power button and shut the whole computer off!!! I didn't have the time or the heart to try to recreate it. So, here we are with a huge gap between posts again. :)

A lot has happened since my last post. Carter turned 1!!! We just had some cake here at the house, and my sis and her kids came over to play. On his birthday day, we got an ice cream cake. But, we didn't do anything real big because just a few days after his birthday we headed out for a trip to Disney World.

It was the first time any of my kids have gotten to go, and it was a very big deal for us. Lots of planning and stressing had to go in to help it be a great family vacation!

It was lots of fun, my kids can't wait to go back!! But, WHEW, it was a lot of work!!!

I was really pleased with how family friendly it was and how much there was for Carter to do. And the nursing wasn't really a big deal either. So many of the rides were theater-like that those made for the perfect opportunity for nursing without slowing anyone down. And when there were the few rides that the older kids could ride that Carter couldn't, I just took the opportunity to nurse him while we were waiting.

It was REALLY hot there, so thankfully they did have plenty of indoor places to sit for nursing. And, I do remember one moment when we were in an aquarium type building that we just sat on the floor in the corner to nurse. And I had many times where I would walk and nurse too. As you can tell, we did it all! :)

In situations like this, you sort of are forced to. Each of the Disney Parks have specified baby centers with special nursing rooms. I only took advantage of it once. I didn't find them real helpful for us. There was only one for each park, and so it would be ridiculous to try to run there every time the baby needed to be fed. And the room to nurse in was a room with 5-6 rocking chairs. I personally felt more out of place in there than just finding a spot on my own. I'm pretty sure rarely a person ever really knew when we were nursing on the rides and in the corners. But when you walk in and out of a room labeled "Nursing Mothers" (and not to mention being in the room with several other nursing moms too) people know what's going on for sure. LOL

However, for any of you other nursing moms thinking of a Disney vacation, be encouraged that it is very easily done!!

Now, I want to go back to the topic I started out with, other people's opinions on my continued nursing of a baby past 1 year.

After more reading and study on weaning and nursing toddlers and such, I've just decided to stop stressing over the seemingly pressing need from others for me to wean. My other two I had completely weaned by 14 and 15 months. This time, I don't know how long we will go. But, I'm done with the idea that I'm going to actively start iniating a weaning just because he's one. I'm not going to have a goal date in mind. We are just going to keep going and let nature course lead the way.

Though he did seem to increase his nursings while at Disney (possibly out of dehydration from the extreme heat or just boredom), since being home he's really cut down a lot already. He eats 3 regular solid meals a day. And he stays busy a lot more too. He's investigating, playing, researching, and just really working hard for a baby. That makes him forget that he still likes to nurse too.

When he's sleepy, he DEMANDS it, and so that is pretty much the times we are still nursing. But, it's not uncommon for him to nurse at 7:00 a.m. and then not again until 8:00 p.m. these days. And this is what normal weaning is all about. As he grows, life changes with him.

And, I'm really getting offended by the expectations of others. Because they seem to have this opinion that "he's not a baby anymore" and he shouldn't be doing "baby things". But, does that also mean that he should be wearing big boy undies too?! NO!!! No one thinks twice about a 3 year old walking around in a diaper, because they know that they are still too young to be able to control themselves in that way. So, why can't we use that same common sense with a breastfed baby?

I know that he's going to be weaned just as much as I know that he will be potty trained. All in due time! It will happen. It will be gradual. It will be child led. But, he IS still a baby. We can't have a conversation about this whole weaning thing and explain to him, "Well, Carter, now that you're one people think you should be big enough not to want to nurse. So you can't have it anymore."

I think that's also a part that people confuse with this whole weaning thing. It's not just me being indulgent, there's a baby here who ENJOYS and NEEDS the comfort of breastfeeding. Ok, they may not have to have the nutrition of breastmilk anymore since they can get it from other sources (though there IS still the immunity value that they CAN'T get from other sources), but why is the comforting effects of breastfeeding not important?

Bottom line, I'm the mama. It's my body and my baby. And I'm going to do what is best for us. And at this point, I'm going to let Carter tell me when he's ready. And I'm just going to continue to guide, teach, and help him to grow just as I have always done.

It would be nice to have a good reply to those who try to make me feel uncomfortable with our choice. But, in the end, their opinion is only THEIR opinion!

Time is tick, tick, ticking away!

2009-09-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

In a few short weeks my little Carter is going to be 1 year old!!!

Third time around and I am still amazed at how fast it goes!

He's a full on walking boy now, and gets anywhere he wants to go. His attitude is becoming more apparent each day. We call him a tad spoiled. LOL He is really attached to mommy. He does not like for me to be out of his sight at all. I like that he "loves" me, but it gets hard too.

He also will throw quite a fit if you interrupt him from doing something that he probably shouldn't be doing (i.e. getting into the cabinets).

We love him though!!! Who wouldn't with such a cute smile?!

Even though he is eating lots of table foods now, he still hasn't seemed to slow down with his nursings. In my mind, I'm already trying to figure out the best route to take to make the way to weaning. It's not going to be fun, and it's not going to be easy.

I have joked that I may have to just leave town for a week and let him and my hubby have it out. LOL I wouldn't do that though. The last thing I want is for the experience to be anymore excruciating and/or traumatic than necessary.

I'm wanting a more child-led approach, but I know this kid is going to need some encouragement from mom to get there.

Mainly I will implement the Don't Offer/Don't Refuse for now. At this age, that is very appropriate anyway. This goes pretty much like it sounds. I won't go out of my way to make sure that he nurses all the various times during the day, but if he comes up to me with that hungry look in his eye and bats at my shirt the way he does, then I won't refuse him either.

My next approach will have to be changing up our typical routines. As he starts eating more consistent meals, that should cut out several right away.

The hard ones are definitely going to be the sleepy ones. He has it in his head that he can't go to sleep without nursing. He will fight and thrash and scream no matter how tired he is, and then as soon as I latch him on he's out like a light! Now, obviously for me, that makes it really hard to resist just giving it to him. (And for now, I do.)

But, I think when I get serious about weaning I will have to just change up our whole bedtime routine! I may even have to take him out for a drive or something. Who knows?! I can try to just keep him busy, busy, busy until he's just so exhausted that he just passes out. And then cross my fingers that he stays that way in the transfer to bed. LOL

It will be tough.

I know one thing, I am going to really miss the closeness we have from our breastfeeding relationship. That's the most loved I ever feel when they are clutched to me so closely in such wonderful contentment of what only mommy can provide.

Oh, and I also wanted to share a really nice compliment I got from an older lady the other day. We were out at the local farmers' market and the lady came up admiring my beautiful baby boy. She was talking about how healthy he looked (cause he's such a big guy), and then she asked, "Is he breastfed?" And I proudly nodded. She then said, "There you have it. That's why he looks so healthy! It such a wonderful gift you are providing your baby! I think more moms should breastfeed too!"

I was proud. At this stage in the game some people don't like to think of such an older baby "still" breastfeeding, so I was glad that this was someone who seemed to respect the choice we've made.

We're good...

2009-07-28T08:22:00.001-07:00

I know it's been a really long while since I've updated. I'm so sorry. Carter really doesn't give me much chance to sit at the computer and type. I miss the days where I could come and just release all these things bouncing around in my head.

Carter will be 10 months old tomorrow, and we are still going strong. He LOVES breastfeeding.

I was just telling my hubby how funny it is the difference in a newborn breastfeeder and an older baby. When they are brand new you have to coax them to "OPEN WIDE" and then try to shove it in quickly and pray they will latch on. Well, now, as soon as Carter sees the target he takes both fists and basically attacks it. He's the one shoving it in now.

And just the other day I could tell he was just using me as a pacifier, so I kept trying to get him to stop so I could get up and go do something productive. But, he would not let go. It was so funny yet freaky at the same time. LOL

He is really going to be a tough one to wean.

He gave up the pacifier on his own a month or so ago. So, I'm really going to have to get creative when the time comes.

There are definitely days now that I kind of want to be done, but of course there are other days that I'm glad to sit and cuddle with him still. I just wish that I could have a little more time to myself. And of course, he still gets up at night to feed, I could do without that.

As far as eating other foods, he eats a lot of table foods now. He likes that too. Basically, anything that I can easily smash between my fingers he's allowed to eat (except eggs, anything with nuts, and such). It makes dinner time a little easier because he stays occupied long enough for me to eat too. So we get to eat together as a family of five. It's nice.

He's growing so much too. At his 9 month check-up he weighed 24 lbs 4 oz, and was 28 3/4 inches long. He's VERY chunky!!! I can not go anywhere without someone making a comment about his size!!

Most of the time the comment is, "You need to feed that baby!!" Of course, we all know that I feed him GOOD!!! :)

He wants what he WANTS!!

2009-06-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

Carter is going to be a tough one to wean, I can already tell. Though, I'm not ready for that yet, I'm already stressing over how hard it will be with him. He is very attached to nursing, particularly when he is sleepy.

Just lately I have tried to get him to stop nursing so frequently at night. At times when I know that he just wants to suckle for comfort not nutrition I have tried to refuse him and offer him a pacifier. HE WANTS NONE OF THAT!!! He gets so mad that it really doesn't seem worth the effort. So, I tend to just let him have it and then he'll go right back to sleep.

Even though he's still not even 9 mos old, I'm already starting to get the question from others about "how much longer" am I going to do this. As if I'm doing an injustice to both of us by still doing "that" at this far out.

It's really sad how up until 6 mos people are pretty tolerant and usually positive and supportive of breastfeeding, but then after this everyone starts getting all antsy about it. I constantly hear how crazy I am for feeding a baby with teeth, and YEAH I've been bitten plenty, but it's not that bad.

I always tell moms to just do it as long as it feels right for both you and your baby. You're the only two that get a say in this anyway. And for now I'm very happy with how things are. And I guess my biggest frustration is that all of the people who think I should stop now seem to forget that he's still not ready for whole milk. He would still have to have infant formula at this point. So, if things are going well for us, WHY would I want to have to stop and swap him to formula.

I think it's a common misconception that babies actually NEED formula to grow healthy and strong. LOL They don't. My babes are proof.

And, I also find it really sad that here I am 3rd time around, wrote a book about it and all, and people still don't get that I'm in it for the long haul. Why would anyone think I would be any different this time? I'm a lost cause, don't they know. :) LOL

8 months already?!

2009-05-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, we are just having too much fun these days!! I can't believe my little baby Carter is 8 months old already!!! He's still a big guy too. The last weight check he was right at 22 lbs, but that was a few weeks ago.

I had to take him for his first official sick visit then, and to my surprise my poor baby had pneumonia!!! I guess there goes that "breastfed babies are healthier," right? But really, it was almost a non-event. He didn't have to be hospitalized or anything, and never even had to have breathing treatments either. In fact, the doctor just said to continue to treat the symptoms (mainly the fever) and watch for breathing issues.

My oldest actually had RSV and pneumonia when he was about 6 months old. And for all of you that have had little babies, you know how you about RSV like it's baby AIDS or something. Well, though my baby was really, really sick then, I think the worst of it was just having them do the RSV test!! He never had to be hospitalized, but he did have to do breathing treatments for a while. But, I did all of that at home. He too came through with flying colors and never slowed on his nursing at all.

I really don't know how they are able to nurse though when they have the nasally things going on. But every time, they somehow clear up just long enough to feed. And I think that's a huge factor in their care at the time. It not only provides that much needed hydration and nutrition, but it's such a comfort for them (and Mom) to nurse. What better place to be when you don't feel well than in Mommy's arms drinking up that miracle milk!!

My little Carter is growing by huge leaps physically too. He's been crawling since he was 6 mos, and he's recently started pulling up (on any and every thing) and cruising the furniture. My little guy needs to slow down. It's hard to keep up with him these days.

He says "mom-mom-mom" all the time, and we laugh at him cause he makes this sound like this character on Chowder, a cartoon the older two watch, that sounds like "rada-rada-rada". So we call him baby Schnitzel cause that's all he says on the show. LOL

Oh, and of course, he got a couple of teeth, and he DID use them against me. He hasn't so much any more, but when they were coming through... OW, OW, OOOWWWW!!!! I just did the pinch the nose trick on him, but I think he had heard of that before cause he would just LAUGH at me! (And it was hard to stay firm with him when he'd let out those cute little chuckles.) So, I ended up just having to completely stop nursing each time, which was frustrating for me too cause usually it would happen just right after I let down and so I would get a little extra full. But, that seemed to speak to him cause he did not like being cut off like that. He'd pull at my shirt, and smack my arms almost like he was saying, "Where did it go, Mommy?!"

But, overall things are going great!!! It's just really busy. I totally remember now why I wasn't able to work on my book until my second baby was fully weaned. I rarely have time at the computer when I don't either have Carter in my arms or have him screaming to be in my arms. Nursing time seems to be a good time to catch up on my email and such, but only to read things. If I try to type, Mr. Nosy has to see what's up and then he starts smacking at the keyboard too.

He's actually trying to get to the keys right now as I am typing this, so that's probably the cue to wrap it up, right? LOL

I do want to say I ADORE nursing after the second half. We have finally gotten into a good groove, and this baby KNOWS how it works. It's so funny. You can tell how important our nursing times are to him by the look of sheer excitement when he knows it's time. And then once he gets settled in, he always has to nuzzle in close for a little nap in what he would make you think is the most comfortable place on earth, my arms. And especially since he is gaining all this new independence and growing so fast, it's nice that we still have that time (several times a day) to just sit and cuddle. He stares at me, and I stare at him. And all I can think is how in the world did I get to be so lucky!!!

Teeth Time

2009-04-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

Oh no!!! We're 6 months in and the first tooth has just emerged!!!

He's been really cranky through this and wants to be attached all the time. I think the feeling there is confusing him on what he wants. And I've also stayed a little chapped due to the extra feedings and the difference in his saliva. It makes it burn some when he feeds.

I'm hoping he won't be like Alex was and bite me with those new teeth. But if he does, I have a plan. The pinching the nose plan. LOL With Alex each time he would bite, I would pinch his nose (so that he would let go of the breast) and then I would firmly say, "NO BITE!!" If he tried to bite again, I would set him on the ground in front of me. That stuff hurts!!! You have to do something!!

The continued theme with this breastfeeding experience has been clogged ducts. I don't know what I am doing to cause it, but about every other week I end up with another painful clog. It's miserable. This last one I broke out the pump trying to work it out again, and wouldn't you know the pump BROKE!!! I've had it since my first baby, and it has been put through the test for sure. But, I had to break down and go buy me another one. That is definitely one of the necessities of breastfeeding. You have to have an alternate source of eliminating milk there.

I did try manual expression, but with that I wasn't getting anywhere fast. And I never could get a let down. Probably cause I was self-conscious about the touching involved. LOL

Oh, anyway, other than that my fat little 6 month old is doing good. He's 20 lbs 14 oz, and 27 inches long now. He still only gets one solid feeding a day and he LOVES it. But he definitely still enjoys his nursing times too. It's at the point now that he falls out nearly as soon as latching on now. LOL I think he actually confuses hunger and sleepiness too. It's the cure-all. Mother's miracle milk!!! That's why I am a fan!!! :)

MIA...

2009-04-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's me. Missing in ACTION!!!

Being a mom to a baby again has certainly reminded me of how demanding it really is. And of course since he is NOT my only child, I'm really having to work hard to keep up with the other two as well.

But, on to the next topic... CAN YOU BELIEVE CARTER IS 6 MONTHS OLD ALREADY?!

Man the time really flies these days. Nursing is going strong. He likes it. He still averages an every 2 hour schedule. And of course, we did start feeding him baby food. Right now I still only give him one meal a day. I was thinking about upping it to 2 meals once he turned 6 months old since he really has taken to the whole baby food thing eagerly, but it seems to be causing him a little digestive issues. He's spending a lot of time struggling to "go", and sometimes when he does finally go it's hard. So, now I plan on waiting until he goes back to the doc in a few weeks to discuss all of that with him before further complicating the "issue" by adding more solid feedings.

Since my last post I have gone through several minor breastfeeding issues. One was dealing with a clogged duct again. I hate those!!! Ugh, I just nurse and nurse and nurse praying that he will finally be able to strip the clog. It usually takes a couple of days, but he does finally do it.

I'm sure the reason I got that clog was because we went to visit family that lives about 5 hours away, and so our typical schedule had to be rearranged. I got a little overfull and wasn't really nursing him as long as I typically would because of where we were and what we were doing.

Another minor issue has been that sometimes it burns really bad in my nipples while he nurses. I'm not sure what's going on there. Of course, being 6 months old means he could be teething at any time (still no teeth yet, thankfully), but I'm sure there are different acids and such going on in the saliva when that happens. I just do my best to alleviate the pain between feedings with Lansinoh and cold compresses.

Oh, and coming back to the solid food and pooping stuff. Let me just say, changing these new stinkier diapers has made the appreciation of breastfeeding grow so much more!!! Though poopy diapers are never pleasant, I swear there IS a world of difference between fully breastfed baby poop vs. having anything else mixed in as well. YUCK!!!!

Well, I hope that I will be able to update more often, but if not, just remember that I am still IN ACTION!!! And obviously, I have to meet all of those other needs first. (Of course, this also reminds me of why I had to wait until Alex was fully weaned before starting on the book. LOL)

He LOVES to eat!!!

2009-02-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

REALLY!!! I should have known that already though since he's maintained an every 2 hour feeding schedule since birth!! :)

We did start him on 1 solid feeding a day after his 4 month check-up. We first gave him rice cereal and he was NOT impressed with that at all. Just kept making some crazy faces. Then I went on to carrots, then sweet potatoes, then green beans, then peas, then bananas. So far the green beans were the only ones he wasn't real thrilled with. But by the second day of them, he came around. The REST, he ate like they were going out of style!!!

Oh and he is a messy eater (as you can see in the pic I added to this post). He will knock the spoon out of my hand nearly every time. And after I'm done feeding him, he will then chew relentlessly on his bib. I think he's trying to lick up all of the dropped parts. :)

The solid feeding has been an added bonus that helps me to be able to eat dinner with the rest of the family again. Sometimes my husband will feed him while I make dinner and therefore he's content long enough for me to scarf down a few bites. Other times, I will feed him a bite, then feed me a bite (him babyfood, me NOT--LOL). So, that works out well too.

My older kids are so thrilled with this "feeding" thing. Cause until now ALL feedings were through Mommy, right. So, they think it's awesome that they might get to help feed him. I've let them give him some spoonfulls, but really I'm not trying to encourage it because they don't need to think that they CAN feed him all the time. Cause you know the 4 year old will definitely be shoving chicken nuggets down his throat.

I also with his meal will have a bottle of 1 ounce juice and 3 ounces of water. It's basically just to help wash out his mouth after a few bites. And particularly on the ones he's not real fond of, if you follow it up with the juice, he doesn't notice the bad taste so much. LOL But, with that he gets no more than maybe an ounce total. I'm certainly not wanting him to fill up on the juice right now.

He's amazed me with how much of the baby food he will eat at one sitting too. He will lick dry the whole thing of the Stage 2 foods (the difference between stages 1 and 2 are the sizes, btw). My others never cared much for baby food period. They really weren't interested until they had more of the control (finger foods, which don't come till much later).

However, even though he does eat this large amount of babyfood, it doesn't make him go any longer between feedings. He's STILL every two hours!!

I'm just going to suck it up now and deal with it. I won't complain anymore, I promise. :)

Also wanted to mention that he's started doing this one thing that both of my other babies did too while he nurses. IMMEDIATELY as he is closing in on his target, his eyes start rolling to the back of his head and POOF, he's out like a light. It's the sleepy juice, I tell ya!! LOL I don't know how, but they all were effectively able to eat and nap at the same time, and this turns out to be a favorite past time most days. :)

4 months and growing!!!

2009-02-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

Carter had his 4 month well baby check today and he's gotten so big!!! He's still fully breastfed and eating on average every 2 hours. He weighed in today at 17 lbs 4 oz, and was 26 inches long!!! He was in 90% on all accounts. BIG GUY!!!

That's a relief cause the week before last I assume he was in a growth spurt, and I was really starting to wonder if my milk was sustaining him. Growth spurts are so hard, even for repeat breastfeeders. When they start eating every hour or less, and your boobs get to that point where you think that can't be any physical way that there is anything left in them, well, that's a good sign of a growth spurt.

After a few days like that, even I was considering a bottle of formula. But, I just kept reminding myself that he was showing all the right signs that my milk was sufficient and that growth spurts are normal and temporary. (The signs were obviously growing, plenty of wet and dirty diapers, happier after nursing, spit-up milk, milk easily squeezed out of nipple, let-down sensation, overall happy baby.)

So, we did make it through it, and now things are feeling more normal again. It's so funny how quick we are to stress though. I mean, I try to keep telling myself that I've already been able to fully sustain two other good sized babies before, so there's no reason to believe now would be different. But, breastfeeding confidence is so hard sometimes.

Also, at the doc appointment he said that we could officially try cereal if we wanted. If he does well with that, then we can move to the other baby foods (no meats till 9 mos). I don't know if I'm excited about it or not. It takes a lot more effort to spoon feed and it's a lot bigger of a mess.

This baby seems ready though. He eyes my food like crazy when I'm trying to eat with him around. And I will admit that I gave him a "lick" of ice cream the other day cause he looked so desperate. LOL The cold shocked him, he made a horrible face. But then as he continued licking it off his lips you could tell he was thinking, "hmmmm.... this is good!!!" LOL

Anyway, I plan to take the actual solid foods slowly cause I'm in no rush to get him weaned. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

It hurts again...

2009-01-10T07:20:00.000-08:00

So, last week I got another clogged duct, don't know why. Those things are just miserable, aren't they?

Anyway, I was getting concerned because I thought I was trying to set up mastitis. I kept working on the clogged duct, but I couldn't seem to loosen it. My right breast was just so hot and it had these red patches all over it! What really scared me is that I woke up one morning with fever and feeling like I'd literally been hit by a bus. My whole body hurt!!!

Thankfully, I only had one day with the fever/body aches stuff, I don't know if it was related or not. I did finally get relief from the clogged duct, but then I noticed that my nipple was sore again and starting to get a crack on the bottom part! He wasn't nursing any different, so I'm not sure why that started again. I upped my acidolphelous for a few days and went back to using the Lansinoh ointment. I think that's healed now. *finger's crossed*

But, now just the past few days Carter has been nipping at me. He'll take my nipple and grind it in his gums and then pull back as far as he can with it. And if the image I'm describing doesn't sound painful, let me assure you that it is!!! I hope he's not teething, and I'm praying that he will just wait as long as possible about getting teeth (he's only 3 months old). I have a feeling he'll follow the same path as my second baby. He would always bite me when he was teething too. :(

So, yeah, even a third-timer can't avoid the painful afflictions of breastfeeding. I just know it's temporary, and I try to work my way through them. But, some days!! LOL

Oh, and I'm also thrilled that I bought a nursing shawl this time. I always just used blankets with my others, but it gets hard to try to do all the maneuvering you need to do while also trying to keep the blanket in place. Here's the one I got:

The link is below if you are interested in more info:
http://lovedbaby.com/index.html

Breaking out from our cozy cacoon...

2008-12-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

First off, Carter and I wanted to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This has certainly been one of those years for me that I wake up one day in January, and the next thing I know the year is OVER!!! I know my problem was that I was wishing the year away, since I got pregnant in January. I was ready for my October due date to get here!! Now, it's come and gone and my baby is already 3 MONTHS OLD!!!!

Anyway, the point of this post just goes along with all of the holiday traveling we had to do. Now that we have spent that past few months just getting to know each other and establishing our nursing routines, we get hit with the holiday season that demands us to step out from out comfort zone and try this nursing thing in all sorts of new environments.

It's always during the road trips that I start thinking, "Oh, it would be so much easier if I was a formula feeder." It would be easier to have him on a schedule, and of course, other people could feed him and I wouldn't ever have to worry about offending anyone just cause I was feeding my baby.

Of course, the fear of nursing in public should NOT be then end of a good nursing relationship, and so I don't let it be for me either. But, yeah, even though this is my 3rd time around, I still get shy about NIP (nursing in public).

The hardest part for us is because Carter still eats on an every 2 hour schedule. Well, when you've got any distance to go, you might as well double it for the time you are taking to stop to feed!! There's just no way to do anything in a hurry with this guy.

For the holidays, we did our whirlwind tour going back to our hometown trying to fit in as many family members as possible. They only live 2 hours away, which isn't THAT bad, but it is on a 2 hour feeding schedule.

To start the trip I have to try to bathe myself then feed, bathe and dress all 3 kids then feed again, pack and load the car then feed again!! There's half the day!! We jump in and GO, GO, GO!!! Trying to hurry and get as far as we can before the next feed. Well, of course, we don't make it the whole way, so we stop and I feed in the van, and by this time that 2 o'clock goal we had is SHOT!!

We finally get there close to 4 p.m. and, of course, first thing I have to do is feed. Luckily because this is my 3rd time, I sort of know who's more squeamish about NIP, so here I feel comfortable enough to sit on the comfy couch to do business than retreat to some far off bedroom.

It is not that way, however, at our next stop. This is a collective family dinner, and there are LOTS of people there particularly lots of teenagers (who of course think boobs are sex symbols only), so I don't feel brave enough to NIP right there with the group, so I do retreat to a far off room.

Now, here's the part that I *hope* only me and my hubby were aware of cause it was QUITE embarrassing for me!! For this nursing, the baby was really just sleepy and needed comfort sucking and so I laid down to nurse him. When he finally let go, I wrap him up burrito style and pull my shirt down and try to straighten myself up and hurry and get back to the party. Well, I still have a discombobulated brain, and evidently... I forgot to pull my bra back over my boob. :/ (I am so embarrassed thinking about this.) I come down stairs with my form fit shirt nicely pulled down, but my boob is very.... free. Of course, everyone looks to coo at the sleeping baby, and I am still unaware of this *freedom*. Thinking back, I'm thinking some of the aunts may have gasped a bit, but it could have been in my head too. I don't know.

I do know that as soon as I sat down in front of my hubby, that's when I noticed and I saw the look on his face that HE noticed too. I quickly felt to see if I was snapped, and of course, I WASN'T, and he just laughs and says, "I thought so!!" AAAAGGGGHHH!!!! I was mortified!!

OH MY GOSH!!!! PLEASE TELL ME NONE OF THOSE TEENAGE BOYS SAW THAT!!!

No wonder us nursing moms get a bad name!! We just go flaunting these massive baby feeders all over the place!!

I couldn't look anyone in the face for the rest of the night!! I was just so ready to GET HOME!!!

Of course, we weren't going home. We stayed at a hotel that night cause we had more whirlwind visits to go. He surprisingly did fine that night, still ate at normal intervals, but was fine.

We had a more cozy visit the next day, so I had easier nursing. But, we did have to make 3 different stops that day and was on the road a lot more! My poor baby does not like the road. And my 6 year old was getting quite tired of the "We have to stop to feed the baby" routine!! He kept fussing the whole time, "Is he done yet!?" And of course, that helped speed things up right!

Somehow we made it home, and the first day back that baby wanted me to hold him and nurse him all day long!! He was out of his routine for two days and now he was demanding to just have MOMMY TIME!!!

I'd say the worst part about the whole visiting thing was getting breastfeeding advice from people who have truly never breastfed a baby before. When some of the ones who we really only see maybe once a year found out about our 2 hour feedings, they of course had to say, "Well you need to put that baby on a schedule, then it wouldn't be so hard for you. Mine slept through the night by 3 weeks old!!" Or of course, "Why don't you start supplementing? It sounds like your baby is not being satisfied off of your milk."

I'm just thinking, "Why can't we just trust the mommy that HAS breastfed now for the 3rd time?!" And, my milk can't be too bad when I have a 15 lb three month old!! He's getting something.

I mean, YES, this is a hard time right now, but he will get bigger and he will go longer between feedings later. I'm not concerned about the frequency right now cause it's all about him and what HE wants/needs!! That's what nursing is about. It's feeding the baby to the exact needs that HIS body demands. I nurse him when he's hungry, and I let him go for as long as he needs to go. That's why some nursings only last 5 minutes, while others go on for an hour! He's the boss of his belly!!

Well intentioned they were though, but you just can't compare breastfed feeding schedules with formula fed feeding schedules. They work differently. Where breastmilk is more catered to the exact needs of YOUR baby, it is more easily processed through that tiny little digestive system. Vice versa, formula is not as easily digested so it takes longer for the process. That's why breastfed babies eat more frequently, and formula fed babies are more easily put on schedules.

I'm not concerned. My baby is healthy. We take him to the doctor, he's growing accordingly, he's developing mentally, he's just a hungry little guy!!

Where have I been?

2008-12-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have really been a blur. This time of year is crazy busy anyway, but add a 2 month old's schedule in there and it gets really crazy.

Speaking of his schedule, I finally took the time to think about his typical feeding schedule, and it really shocked me. I can't believe I'm even able to keep up with him, but it explains why I feel like I'm not getting anything done these days. How could I? He eats ALL DAY LONG!!

I'll start you with his LAST feeding of the day, and work back around from there.

After his nightly screaming sessions, he will usually feed one last time between 10:30 and 11 p.m. He wakes at 2:30 a.m. to eat, then again at 4:30 a.m. to eat. Then we start our day at 6:30 a.m. with a feeding, and from there it's 8:30 a.m., 10:30 a.m., 12:30 p.m., 3:30 p.m., 5:30 p.m., 7:30 p.m.; and of course, back to 10:30 p.m. again.

OH MY GOSH!!! Did you see that pattern?! He is mostly eating about every two hours all day long!!!

I know the one 3 hour stretch between 12:30 to 3:30 is when I'm picking up my oldest from school. He's usually screaming by 2:30, but I have to push him far enough for us to pick him up and get back home. That does not make my task of picking up easy. And there have been many days where I will have to just make my oldest wait a little longer at school and just get the feeding over with before I leave.

As you can tell, the little man of the house is calling the shots these days!! :)

I will tell you that even when you demand feed, it is so important to figure out your baby's typical feeding schedule. Not so you can strictly enforce it, but just to give you a little more sanity. If you know what his typical schedule is, then you will know how to work around it. And it won't be as frustrating for either of you if you can look at the clock and say, "Oh, yeah, 5:30, he's ready to eat again."

It can take several weeks before their pattern becomes regulated and clear, but Carter is 2 months old now and I know he's pretty set for now. Of course, the older they get they'll be able to go longer between meals, and when you start feeding them solids it changes things up again.

Basically, the one thing I have learned from motherhood overall is that once you think you've finally got it all figured out, they go and change the rules on you again!! :)

P.S. The thrush thing has not hit me in full force. Since that post, I got very vigilant again on the acidolphelous and was making sure to change my breast pads more frequently and it seems to have improved that situation.

Could it be THRUSH again??

2008-12-04T14:20:00.000-08:00

PLEASE, LORD, NO!!!!

It's starting to hurt when I latch Carter on, like an itchy burn on my nipples, and I'm so afraid that it is the start of thrush. I had the nipple pain with him in the first weeks, but I think that was just getting used to his nursing style.

With my 2nd baby, we went great for 5 weeks with no nipple pain at all, and then all the sudden it started hurting and then it got SEVERE!!!

I just thought it was a late on-set of sore nipples and kept trying to treat that, but it just kept getting worse. By the time I figured out it was thrush, I was in the worst pain ever. It was like knives searing into my nipples every time I would latch him, and they would just constantly burn, itch, and throb between feedings. I don't EVER want to go through that again!!!

What I learned with him was to take Acidolphelous everyday to help balance the yeast stuff, and to keep the area as clean and dry as possible. I also had to use a couple of rounds of Gentian Violet to finally recover (this was after a couple of rounds of using Nystatin, the prescription given my the doc).

The most important thing to know about thrush is that both you and the baby have to be treated cause you can keep passing back and forth to each other.

Right now, I don't see any signs that he has it (diaper rash and/or white patches in mouth), and I'm just experiencing a little uncomfort in the latches lately, like I said, it's kind of like an itchy burn. I had gotten a little lax about the Acidolphelous tablets cause things were going good and plus I have had to take so many other pills too. But, I think we will be hitting those hard again. If I have to, we may try a round of the Gentian Violet (which is also known as purple baby syndrome--lol--I'll post of pic of my 2nd baby so you can fully apreciate that joke).

I don't know. I'm going to cross my fingers that it is NOT thrush!! The thought makes me want to cry!!!

Here's my purple baby (kinda looks like Carter, doesn't it? But it's not, it's my #2, Alex @ 3 mos old.), so please notice, Gentian Violet STAINS (but it will fade off of the baby-lol):

"Now, WHICH side am I supposed to use??"

2008-12-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

That's my most used phrase these days. :) I swear, when you are feeding 10-12 times a day, it's hard to remember which side you used last. Oh, but I ALWAYS know when I've guessed it wrong as soon as that let-down hits. OWWW, the blinding pain!!! Not to mention the now lop-sided look I will have!!!

Around the house, my method for remembering is whichever bra side is still open, then I know that's the one I used last. And then when I start feeding with the opposite side, I will snap the other shut and then leave this one open so I'll know the next time. Of course, this is NOT a method I can use in public, and it really is something I've got to be really careful about even at home. LOL

I can't count the times I've been standing there thinking, "Man, it's cold in here!!" And then I will look down and see I'm "exposed". LOL OOOPPPSSSS!!! I told my hubby that I need a shirt that says, "Do I have a boob hanging out?" LOL

This baby brain will get you into some embarrassing stuff for sure!!!

But, back to the "which side" thing. When I'm out in public, it gets really hard. Usually I have to use the "bounce" method. Check this side, ok, kinda squishy. Check this side, OH YEAH, a little lumpy!! LOL It works I suppose. :)

I know they make special bracelets and rings for that, but really the trick to those is to REMEMBER to swap it over, and I really don't know if I trust my baby brain for such things!! Really!! I'd be constantly second guessing, "Ok, if it's on this side does that mean it's the one I used last or the one I'm supposed to use now! And, am I SURE that I swapped it over last time!" LOL

So complicated, but something you HAVE to keep a handle on. Cause you'll be working for days afterward just trying to even yourself back up.

I get so messed up at night sometimes cause that's baby brain on autopilot anyway, and just the other days I was horrified with what I woke up with. Evidently, I must not have swapped sides all night. I just let him keep going from the same side every time. Well, when I woke up, OH ME, my one side was as flat as a pancake, but the other side.... I could barely get my jacket to cover it up. I mean, it was terrible!!! I almost had to stuff the other side of my bra just to look somewhat normal (well, Dolly Parton normal, anyway!). LOL

So, yeah, I need some new foolproof system for keeping a handle on this. (of course, you'd think by the 3rd time around, I'd already have come up with that right. LOL) Any suggestions for me feel free to add them to the comments. :)

Breastfeeding Photos

2008-11-23T13:01:00.000-08:00

This time around with our pregnancy, and since he's been here, we have been taking pictures like crazy. I know it's because Carter is most likely our last chance to experience these moments and we don't want to miss anything.

Well, with my other two babies, we didn't purposefully take any breastfeeding pictures. I say "purposefully" because I do have a picture of me breastfeeding Alex (#2), but only because I happened to be in the background and Greg didn't realize it. I was COMPLETELY covered with a blanket, and so no one but me would ever know what I was doing.

We didn't take pictures before because one, I think it gave my hubby the heebee geebee's; and two, I think we thought our kids wouldn't want to see that. However, this time, I realized that I really wanted those pictures. Why? Because I want to remember, and because I think both my hubby and I have realized what a statement it does make for our children.

It's not something to be embarrassed about, and to hide from sight. I proudly breastfeed them, so why do I want to hide all evidence that I did. And oh, the memories that have only existed in my mind till now. I really don't EVER want to forget the look on their faces, and the whole sweetness of the moment.

I'm also proud that my breastfeeding is so normal to my children that they naturally assume that all babies are fed this way. In fact, Greg told me something funny our 3 year old did the other day that proves how natural breastfeeding is for him. He said he had found a doll in the toy room (left by my niece at her last visit) and he came out with this doll stuffed under his shirt saying that he was "feeding his baby". I think Greg was embarrassed by that at first, but I told him I thought it was sweet. I mean, yes, we have to make sure he understands that mommies breastfeed, but how can you fault him for not even knowing that there was any other way. LOL

So, like I said, we are going to capture these memories this time, even if they are only for my benefit. I hope you all don't mind my sharing them here as well. (btw, I've tried to make these pics as tasteful as possible, with the focus on the baby not the boob.)

The Bra Gripe

2008-11-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

One of my least favorite parts of breastfeeding is having to wear a bra 24/7 to control leakage, not too mention the coveted "support" that we all know is a must at my age. LOL I seriously wish there was another alternative cause I HATE sleeping in my bra! As if I'm getting that good, quality sleep anyway, now it's even more disruptive because of the uncomfortable bra that needs constant readjustment.

And even though I know what a MUST a good nursing bra is, I have to say that it's really hard to keep up with the appropriate size to wear too. My normal non-pregnancy, non-breastfeeding days I wear a 34D, which is fine for me. But, pregnancy and breastfeeding throws me as far as 38DD (which is just too much in my opinion), however, it only reaches those extremes during certain times of day. Isn't it odd that I can start out the day all Dolly Parton style, and then by the end of the day, I've deflated down a whole bra size?! How are we supposed to keep up with that? I can't be changing bras all day long!

Also, another huge bra gripe of mine is WHY is the only time that it's totally acceptable to "pad" your bra is at the time when YOU DON'T NEED TO PAD YOUR BRA?! LOL I mean, whose crazy sense of humor is that? LOL No wonder I feel so deflated after I've weaned!! I've not only lost the engorged boobs, but I don't get to wear my breast pads anymore either!! :( LOL

All in a days work, I suppose! I'll just try to enjoy them while I can, but it does make it difficult when we all know they look they're best when they're too painful to touch anyway. Oh, they make me feel so F.A.T. in my clothes because they sure ain't fitting in those cute Jr tops!

Surely, I'm not the only one with these gripes, right? It's just been on my mind a lot here lately, so I thought it was worth sharing with others who might understand what I mean.

Oh, and I should also add a word of warning here too. You know the convertible front bras are great for nursing cause it makes it easier access for the baby, right? Well, try not to let your baby brain get to you, like it has me, to where you forget to close your convertible top. I did that the other day and wouldn't you know I look down and the WHOLE left side of my shirt is SOAKED because the top was still down!!

Not to mention, when you forget to close one side, you look way crazy lop-sided and probably won't even know it unless you look in the mirror. Of course, every one else will know, but wonder how many might be brave enough to let you in on it? LOL

The sacrifices we make for these kids, and they'll never even know. LOL

While I'm sharing, I also want to tell a funny (but kind of annoying) thing that Carter does right now when nursing. See, I have extremely forceful let-downs. They are painful for me, so if you are ever around me and see me just all the sudden grimacing, it's probably because I've spontenously let-down and experiencing quite a bit of pain at the moment. Anyway, back to the baby part. Well, obviously Carter notices my strong let-downs too because he will sort of nip at me until he gets the let-down going and then he just pulls away. And so here I am just spraying milk all over the place, all over his face mostly, and he's just letting it happen because it's too much for him. Once it stops, then he will latch back on and nurse away, not even caring that his face and clothes are now covered with milk. And while it's happening, I'm freaking out wishing I had cup or something to "Catch that milk!" cause I mean, man I work so hard to make it, we don't want to be wasting stuff here. I just want to lecture him about all those starving babies in China!! But, of course, he don't care. LOL

Truly, I don't blame him. It really does have to be too much for him all at once, and the few times he has tried it sort of choked him. It's just that I hate to waste such a precious commodity, you know. LOL

Your "Breast" Friend is Breastfeeding Again...

2008-11-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

Something exciting happened in our family this year. We added our third baby boy, Carter, on September 29th!!! He's a precious little doll baby!! (as you can see from his picture)

Anyway, since we are definitely not ready for a "new edition" to the book, I thought it would be a good idea to blog about my breastfeeding journey this 3rd time around, so you all can see the story unfold as it happens. One thing you will definitely see is that no matter how many babies you've breastfed or how much you think you know about breastfeeding, there are still going to be struggles and issues and demands that come up that have to be worked through. This is something that I have stressed a lot in the book, but you'll see it first-hand through my blogs with Carter.

So, I'm already a few weeks behind here, and my HUGE apologies for that; but I'm sure you can imagine that my life with now 3 children, one of those being a newborn, is quite demanding right now. Oh, and I also ask for your apologies on the quality of my blogs right now, since I'm going to guarantee that most will be done one handed (as I am right now). In fact, a lot will probably be typed WHILE I'm actually breastfeeding (multi-tasking is a MUST with this many kiddos).
Well, I'll go ahead and try to catch you up on the first six weeks with Carter, then the posts should flow more smoothly from now on. I will *TRY* to make weekly posts, so be sure to check back often to see how our story progresses. :)

Carter's first 6 weeks of nursing

To start with the VERY beginning of nursing Carter, of course, we have to back up to our hospital time. I'll remind those that read my book (and inform those that haven't) that I'm afflicted with Flat Nipples which requires me to wear Breast Shells in the early days to help draw the nipple out for easier latching. Unfortunately, while I was in labor the hospital wouldn't allow me to wear my bra, which meant I couldn't wear my shells either. Even though I had been wearing them during the week prior to delivery, my nipples still hadn't come out enough to make them latch worthy when after a little over 12 hours of labor Carter emerged ready to nurse. (though, because the delivery was quite difficult on me, I wasn't physically ready to nurse right away anyway) I think Carter was brought to me a little more than an hour after he was born (it was while the older brothers were there visiting), and I tried nursing him for the first time then. (Much different than with Alex where I latched him on within the first 15 minutes, but very similar to my very first experience with Jared.)

Trying to latch him was really hard because of my nipple issue. I never could get him to open wide enough to get latched well. I was squeezing behind the areola trying to do the "Breast Sandwich" method and doing all the tricks I knew to get him to "OPEN WIDE", but something just wasn't working right. We did feed for a bit, but I'm not sure it was very effective. And of course, since this was my third baby, I didn't have nurses all over me trying to help me figure things out. I didn't want that anyway. I knew what I needed to do, I just wasn't having much luck at doing it.

Anyway, he goes back to the nursery, and I immediately put on my bra and break out the breast shells. When they brought him back in, he wasn't quite ready to nurse and since I really hadn't had time yet to "check him out", I spent a little time doing that. Then I also took a bit of time to eat something myself, since I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours at this point. Not to mention, there was something wrong with the nurse call button in our room and we had this maintenance man in there trying to fix it. I wasn't ready to try nursing our new baby in front of this stranger, so we just held off for a bit.

Unfortunately, they couldn't fix the nurse call button, and they end up deciding to move us to a new room. So lots of nurses come in to move our stuff, and hubby heads off to the new room with our baby before I even get off the bed. Then, as soon as I stood up, one of the nurses has this horrified look on her face and says, "She's going to need a new gown." I had no idea what she was talking about, and I just said "What?" and looked down and saw that my bed was covered in blood. (Oh, I'm sorry for the squeamish here, but I have to tell it like it happened.)

I have a history of post-partum hemmorrhage, so this was already a concern for everyone, and from the look of the bed it looked like I was dealing with it again. They get me to the bathroom and helped me change, and I ended up pooling blood on the floor in there and just got it everywhere. It looked like scene from CSI!! At that point, they decided they had to get me back to the bed (in the same room I was in), and they were asking me how I felt as we started walking back to the bed. I said, "I think I'm ok, but..." And the next thing I know, I'm on the floor with nurses all around me telling, "Don't get up!!! We'll help you!!" Evidently, I had passed out from all the blood loss.

So, I get back on the bed, they hook me back up to an IV, have to call the doc back in, and they discuss whether to do a transfusion and/or D & C. They end up deciding only to run me on a bag of pitocin for about 12 hours, which of course, is the same stuff I had been on all day to induce my labor. Needless to say, I got to spend the rest of the night painfully contracting still.

Through all of this, my husband was over in the other room with our hungry baby. I remember when they were putting in the IV that I had asked a nurse then to go tell my husband what happened, and to tell him to have the nursery feed the baby if he needed it (*cringe* I know, but what else was I supposed to do?). I hated that more than anything, but I didn't know what all was about to happen, how long it was going to take, and I knew that at that point, I had to make sure this baby's mommy was ok before worrying about whether or not I've just devastated our breastfeeding relationship.

After a crazy first night, I finally start feeling well enough to try nursing again around 5:00 a.m. I send word for them to bring me the baby when he's ready to eat, and very quickly a nurse comes in (without the baby) and says, "But your husband said to feed him a bottle!!" And I said, "Yes, I know, and that was fine because I had some issues going on, but I feel better now and I want to TRY to feed him on my own again." I don't know why, but the lady looked way too giddy and accusing when she said, "But your husband said to give him a bottle." LOL

So, they do bring him to me soon thereafter, and the latching goes much better because I've had time to wear my shells now. And we soon get back on a better pattern ofevery 2-3 hours. However, I was noticing MAN, this REALLY hurts!! It felt like this baby had fangs sinking in, which was shocking to me because my other two never gave me this type of experience in the beginning though I know a lot of new moms do experience that.

The rest of the hospital experience with breastfeeding went well. We were left to ourselves on it, but we were doing ok. He had only experienced a 6 ounce weight loss from his birth weight of 8 lb 8 oz during the hospital stay, which the pediatrician said was good. And by 2 days later he was right back to gaining again.

I think my milk came in on that last day in the hospital, his 3rd day, so that was a relief. But, those first days at home I was really in a lot of pain with this whole breastfeeding stuff. The nipple pain from latching was becoming increasingly painful, and then my breasts were quickly starting to get really engorged and just constantly THROB!!! Finally after a few days of pure torture, I decided I needed to pump my breasts to help relieve my engorgement cause the baby was just not getting enough out. However, pumping was a painful experience because at this point my nipples had cracked and were bleeding, and OW, OW, OW it just HURT!!! I did pump though, and got about 7 ounces out at that time (between the both of them). I finally felt better from the engorgement, now if I could just figure out this nipple pain!!

I was keeping myself slathered in the Lansinoh ointment to help make the latching easier. I would check and recheck the latch each time. And I knew I was unlatching him correctly. I just couldn't understand what I was doing that was so different this time. But, after a lot of thought and research I finally came to the conclusion that this baby must just have a smaller mouth than the others did, and thus not able to take in as much of the areola as he should.

I knew that I really just needed to get them healed and just get through it the best I could and it would eventually get better. So, I made a point to only nurse from one side at a time to give each side a little extra time to heal between feedings. And I let my nipples air out as much as I could. I think somewhere close to 3 weeks I realized that I wasn't near tears each time he latched on any more, and now at 6 weeks it doesn't hurt at all.

Now, another hard struggle we've dealt with in these first few weeks of breastfeeding this time is Carter's struggle to poop. He seems to poop enough (and very often at that), but it just seems like he has to work so HARD to do it. He grunts so bad, and he will whine and cry as he tries to go. My heart just breaks for him each time I see it. I've been really afraid that it's because I've had to be on so much iron since his birth (due to my post-partum hemmorrhage). I have to take 2 iron pills a day, plus my prenatals that have iron too. I'm also taking one acidophelous tablet a day to help prevent THRUSH again. (Oh, I NEVER want to go through that again!!!) But, as an effort of trying to remedy the effects of the extra iron, I'm also taking a daily laxative, figuring if the one is passing through the other will too, right? Needless to say, GOSH, I'm taking a lot of pills a day!!! Never in my life have I taken so many different medicines at one time!!!

Other than those things, breastfeeding has really come right back to me. He's a BIG eater!!! He's averaged since birth an every 2 to 2 1/2 hour schedule, which is exhausting!!! Then he cluster feeds in the evenings where he will literally want to be eating all evening long. Of course, then we hit the 8 o'clock hour, and all the rules change again. Then he just starts screaming non-stop for hours (2-3), and I can only assume is a form of colic again like I experienced with Alex.

I'm happy to get to breastfeed a baby again, and I look forward to the days that it becomes a little more scheduled and he starts really showing his excitement about the whole process too.
But, as you can see, just because I've written a book on breastfeeding and breastfed 2 times before, it did not give me a free pass this time from any hardships and/or struggles. I just have had to stay calm, stay focused, and somehow work my way through the moment. I never try to think it too far ahead. I just think what can I do to get through this moment and this day. I can worry about tomorrow when tomorrow becomes today.